Cleaning mood today. I’m getting stuff done. I told myself I wouldn’t nap because I need to keep going but now that I’ve sat I’m feeling myself fading. I need to stay awake, I wish I had some coffee. I know people will tell me to care for myself and not do housework but that’s why my house is always so stinking messy, perhaps I’m a hedonist. I just like things to be easy and enjoyable, cleaning isn’t on that list for some reason. I’ve already had some sense of accomplishment this morning as my kitchen is clean-ish and my floors have been picked-up and vacuumed. Picking up a floor with a toddler around means you’re picking the same thing up 3 or 4 times because they don’t get that you’re trying to put it away for now. At least he sings me the clean up song as he watches me clean and then proceeds to sabotage my efforts.
I’m eating my usual sandwich while writing, I guess I never mention that I have a sandwich and a glass of milk in hand with every entry, perhaps that’s why my computer desk is slightly crusty and crummy all the time, no that IS why. Today I’m cheating and having the last can of Barqs root beer. Glad they’re gone, they taunt me all day long and I usually give in. I have a soft spot for Barqs during this pregnancy, otherwise I never drink pop.
Speaking of pop, or perhaps the absence of pop, I’m getting really excited to have this baby and get skinny again. I was getting oh so skinny before I got pregnant. I could fit into an xs in some tops and my jean size was lowering. I feel like I’m starting all over again, I hope I can stick to it as well as I did before, all my good habits have been washed away by my dreadful nightly cravings. Last night it was Hagen Das bars, the night before I made chocolate pudding, the night before something else. I’m so naughty! But I feel this is the last time in my life that I’m giving myself to be a pig and just eat stuff. After Chim Chim comes into the world I’ll be my anal self again and not let one ounce of hydrogenated oil near these lips, OK I’m still anal about that and MSG but ice cream and pudding have neither of those.
Yesterday during my nap time I was getting really warm feelings towards Chim Chim, perhaps one could even call it love. It’s so nice to feel warmth instead of coldness. I’m looking forward to seeing his face, kissing his lips, picking his boogers because he can’t stop me, seeing him smile for the first time. They’re so funny as newborns, so snorty and they grab at their faces because they can’t stop themselves. Then there’s the fight to get their hands off their faces as you try to latch them onto your extremely tender nipples. If you pick them up from laying down, they remain in the same position they were laying in, all curled up. It looks like a kidney bean to me. Then you swaddle them tightly and they sleep and sleep and sleep and sometimes they don’t sleep. When Silas would wake up as a new born and I’d unswaddle him, he’d stretch his arms up and his big bottom lip would come out and he stretched and stretched, it was so cute. OK, writing about these things is getting me excited for my snorty, curled up newborn. Not excited that my nips will probably hurt again, it hasn’t been that long since I’ve nursed but long enough for them to get tender again I think. Perhaps they’ll catch on quickly this time, at least I know if two of them are hurting too bad I have a third lactating one that I can rely on. I just don’t want to grow an entire boob in my armpit.
This time I hope to enjoy the stage he’s in while he’s in it. I tried with Silas but there was always that voice at the back of my head that was asking to see him at the next phase. This one can just stay a kidney bean as long as he wishes. OK I might be anxious to smile but who wouldn’t be? What mother doesn’t melt into a puddle of goo when her baby smiles at her for the first time?
Now that I’m at the end of this I need to decide what I should do. My bed is looking comfortable, but my floors are sticky with ice cream that fell there at least a week ago. My bathroom still has messes in it from two weeks ago and laundry needs to be done. I have baby clothes to sort and wash and fold. I think today is the sacrifice me and get things done day. With my luck I’ll be trying to push a baby out tonight with amazingly sore hips. 1 week and 3 days left.
Lucas and Silas in the tub last weekend. Not a very good photo but the only one that didn’t show Lucas’ little willy. I wrote about this a while ago, Lucas didn’t have fun. Party pooper.
These are a few I took of Silas yesterday on our deck. This is his new favorite toy, he’s had it since he was born but has attached himself to it this week, obviously because it spins.
Hard to catch him with a full smile, he still looks dang cute though.
Working hard on the spinning. I love his profile when he’s looking down at something. Usually his bottom lip is protruding as well.
Just focusing on the spin still, weirdo.