As Promised

Today I’m going to give you a photo blog.

Oh, I must say one thing. Huggies are now cheaper that Kirkland Signature diapers at Costco and I wondered why but we bought them and it’s because they aren’t nearly as good as Kirland. Just a heads up, Kirland remains the best diaper. Huggies leak a lot more and feel less soft.

Silas keeps climbing into the Exersaucer. He’ll be playing in his room alone and I’ll hear him whimpering and I go in and he’s in there again and can’t get out, silly kiddo.

Brent was cutting in our room…I came to bed and found this. Now that it’s painted you can still kinda see it but I like that. The color turned out AMAZING!

After a bath. I love having the W/D in our bathroom because we get nice, warm towels after a shower. Look at those grey eyes!

Isaac is so fascinated with the camera.

 

Look at those spit bubbles on his cloths. K this isn’t a very attractive photo but I wanted to capture the drool. He kinda looks like my brother Andy here.

I scared him here, I forget what I did. Poor puddin. he he he

These are one of those drums you get from Costco that are filled with misc. drum toys. This is the only use we’ve gotten out of it so far. He puts it on his head and says “na na na na” and then kisses you through it. I think that goop on it is snot or something.

Writing some important emails.

Look how strong I am Mommy!!

Silas needed his “smushy” during breakfast yesterday. He’s feeling so awful here but he always manages a smile anyway.

Notice the tear in his eye? K I totally sharpened this photo before uploading it, this thing always does that for some reason. He sure loves his Mini Wheats!

Poor sick puddin.

 

Poor Silas

Silas woke up today with a fever of 102 in his armpit. Brent and I took him to the doctor who said his ear was VERY inflamed. Gosh, another ear infection. His last one was just in July. Stupid ear infections. Right now he’s cuddling with his Daddy and listening to our Germany Choir sing The Benediction over and over and over and over. He only slept for an hour and he woke up pretty sad. He’s glad to be cuddling. I feel so bad for the little guy. Such high fevers don’t feel good all by themselves let alone the pain of the ear infection. Funny how a week ago I knew it was coming, the Dr. just couldn’t see it yet.

Last night I took a hilarious spill.  I was kinda hyper and I was walking by Brent to the computer to Google why people throw rice at weddings (you know that whole exploding bird thing is a total myth?) and I stepped on a toy and my feet flew out from under me.  I went from laughing really hard to crying because I apparently clawed Brent’s face, back to laughing really hard again.  It was totally funny, I have this great big scrape on my arm now.  So this week I’ve kinda fallen down the stairs, stubbed my toe twice, fell flat on my arse and then at 5am this morning I stepped on Silas’ truck and almost took a spill with Ikey in my arms.  Clumsy much?

Anyway, I feel too busy to be writing right now. Sorry, no photos as promised

Breast Crawl

I saw the strangest video today.  It’s all about the breast crawl.  They’ve found that a newborn baby will find it’s way to the breast within 10-60 minutes if placed between the mother’s breasts.  Apparently the process is really important in these people’s eye.  I thought it was very interesting.  If you don’t mind seeing a pair of boobies then give it a watch.  I kinda wish I’d tried it.  Looks natural and instinctual and um…I can’t find the word…someone help me out.

 

Anyway, I think I’m started to get a sense of humor about this whole clump of crappy events.  I stubbed the same toe last night, it hurt hella bad.  Then Brent kicked it in the night last night and I woke up yelling “OUCH!”…what a jerk hey?  Ha ha.  But I guess it’s all kind of funny in a way anyway, especially because it only hurts when it’s bonked, otherwise it just is a bit achey and tingly so I’m not too jaded about it.

Silas is having some issues.  I was near his one ear today and it smelled SO awful that I almost gagged.  If I were pregnant that would have sent me worshiping the porcelain god.  Terrible, just terrible.  So I went fishing.  Silas really likes it when I clean out his ears and I always do it with a flashlight and I’m SO careful to not push anything down.  The first ear I dipped into had some blood in it, I dunno if I did that, I was very gentle.  The other one I hardly stuck the thingy in there and he screamed.  He usually makes happy feel good noises when I go in for ear wax surgery.  Anyway, he was devastated.  I know I know I know I’m not supposed to go in there with a Q tip.  I’m always gentle though and I usually can get his plugs out unless they’re hard and then I just leave them longer until they’re softened with oil.  His ears plug up with wax like every week, it’s gross.  Anyway, yesterday he had a fever too so I’m suspicious.  Brent took him to the walk-in like a week ago and he said nothing was there but a lot of wax.  I think the stench is awful and un-natural.  His ears have always been stinky but this, this is like something crawled in there and died.  Yucky.  I’m dying to get all that wax out of there though but I shant.

Ikey is doing well.  He’s always so stinking happy.  Even when he’s aggravated I can still make him smile so easy.  He can pick stuff up now but kinda has a hard time bringing it to his mouth so it can easily end up in his eye.  Yesterday he sucked on his thumb a bit too…really cute.  He’s also rolling over when he wants to which isn’t often.  On his tummy he’s easily holding his head up.  I took some cute photos of him doing that last night that I’ll post tomorrow.  He’ll be 4 months tomorrow, hola! Oh ya, and he’s NINETEEN POUNDS!!  Fatso.  He’s getting rocked to sleep by his daddy right now…he’s crying…poor puddin.  I wish falling asleep was fun.

 

Peanut Allergy Haters?

I came across a Facebook group last night as I was searching for a group of parents who had kids with peanut allergies. The group is called I Hate People With Peanut allergies. I thought the group might just be kind of silly but much to my dismay, I came across these things:

“I’ve got a great one- I had this friend, what a fucking cunt- we forced some peanuts down her throat even though she was “allergic” and then her throat started swelling up. She shook a little bit, and gargled for her stupid shots. We didn’t give them to her, and then she fucking died. it was awesome. show them, right! lolololo”

“oh, also, at the school i used to attend they used to put pictures of the peanut allergie kids up outside of their classrooms and in the staff rooms. i think the teachers felt bad for the rest of the kids and wanted to let us know exactly who to beat the shit out of a recess.”

“Oh wait. No. I really dont. You’re just ANOTHER pathetic mother who wastes her time trying to convince us to care about her genetically deformed child.
No thank you.”

WHAT THE HECK??

I’ve reported the group in hopes that it’ll get deleted. That’s just so awful. I was crying for my dear Silas last night. Even if these people are joking, a kid could come across this and think they’re serious. I hope he never has to encounter such ignorance and hatred. I can’t believe people would say the things they said on there. This world really ticks me off sometimes.

I can kinda see that people would be put off because they can’t bring peanuts products into schools. I’m not the kind of mother who’s going to petition the government to try and get rid of peanuts or anything. I just don’t see why people would say such disgusting things. It’s just a freaking NUT. If it’s going to kill someone then do what you have to do. We don’t carry things around that are going to kill people. I’m not going to say “too bad” to someone who accidentally runs into my machete as I carry it around a mall. It’s not like a person with a peanut allergy just gets itchy, they could die. I have allergies to anything with fur but I see that as my own issue. I don’t get mad about people who have animal hair all over them, I think it’s gross but I’m not going to bitch about it.

Anyway, if you’re part of Facebook please go and report that group. I really don’t want kids coming across such things, it’s awful.

My Thursday Thirteen is below and much more light-hearted. Enjoy.

Thursday Thirteen #10

Thirteen Things that make me giggle

1. When I’m driving behind someone and they put their blinker on to go around a sharp corner.
2. Watching contestants on The price Is Right.
3. Memories of hanging out with Courtenay in high school.
4. Seeing someone pick a wedgie in public after they’ve looked around to see if no one is watching.
5. Sticking my tongue out at kids who are in cars beside me and seeing them react (sometimes they’re scared..he he he).
6. Silas isms.
7. My  own jokes
8. Startling someone has got to be the funniest thing ever. I used to lurk about waiting to scare my siblings and just giggle at the anticipation of scaring them.
9. Isaac, he’s just so dang jolly.
10. When one of my kids gets a whole wad of drool on someone else, especially Jules.
11. Ellen (watching it right now).
12. Hearing people talk in their sleep. “it’s a music stand“
13. Dane Cook

The Universe Conspires

Just when I’d had enough, when I thought not much more could really go wrong, the Universe decided to throw another one at me. I had just exited my kitchen on my way to lay on the couch with Isaac and nurse him when the Universe grabbed my foot and placed it ever so perfectly for me to WHAM it into the couch at such a perfect angle and velocity that I would then break* it and cry. I didn’t cry for pain, I just cried because it’s just another thing on top of thing after thing after thing. Those of you who’ve been with me for the past 6 months can agree that the dang Universe is most definitely conspiring against me.

I really have no clue as to what I have done to deserve such crap. I’ve gone through trail after trail after trail and then felt guilty because why should I feel so bad when others are going through much worse? Again I’m feeling guilty. Peanut allergies, car accidents, eviction notices, friends hurting me, etc all pale in comparison to the things others go through. Alas, it doesn’t pale in comparison to what I am used to.

It almost seemed a year ago when things started to go wrong. I was crushed at first by the positive pregnancy test (but really, thank God for Ikey, he really relaxes me…as long as we’re not nursing), we were stinking poor after Christmas all the way until about March when the money issue was looking up but then the eviction and the car crash and then having to move into that 500 sq ft apartment, etc.

I think Silas was in on it today as well. Perhaps he’s being bribed by the Universe with cookies. If he screams all day long then he gets cookies (I hope the Universe is aware of his peanut allergy). Although that’s just speculation, he could very well just be acting like a COMPLETE JERK just for fun. Who knows. I’m just thankful that Ikey slept through the last screaming session. I was dumb and covered Silas’ mouth, he likes that so he decided to scream and scream until I did it again, but I didn’t do it again so there was lots of screaming happening. I never realized how enraged I could actually become in such situations. If I didn’t hear from other mothers about their own feelings, I’d think I had an anger management problem.

I’ve leaped over yet another hurdle and I can’t stop running towards whatever will be the next one. That’s the fun of life, never know what’s going to come flying at you next. It is fun….right??

*It’s not confirmed to be broken as I didn’t go in to get it checked out. I know exactly what the dr. would do and say and therefore I can just rest easy at home and not bother the poor guy. The treatment for a broken toe is a piece of tape. I learned how to tape in Kindergarten, you don’t need a doctorate to tape. The signs and symptoms lead to a break but I’m feeling as though it might not be. I’m just so used to sprains that hurt so much worse so I’m not sure what to expect of a break. It sure looks broken though….who knows.

it’s hard to see the bruising but it’s all swollen

Bye Bye Fuzzies

I have warm fuzzies floating under my skin.  I just cuddled in bed with Silas in hopes of him calming down and getting some nap time.  He listens to this lullaby CD and I don’t know all the songs.  He wants me to sing along so I just make things up like “Silas go to sleep or I’ll spank your little bum, close you eyes or I’ll freak out so please go to sleep”.  Of course I’m just joking around, no spanking this house.  YUCK.  Anyway, Silas is lovely to snuggle with, he always has been.  I think I kissed him 500 times.

I think I might actually do my hair today.  I feel so bad for my poor husband who comes home to some scary lady who’s taken the place of his wife.  I’m usually wearing PJ’s because they’re just so dang comfy for cuddling and nursing and what have you.  Everything I have is still too tight to wear comfortably.  (I’m hearing some thumping above my head GO TO SLEEP SILAS!!  Now Ikey just woke up because he had to sneeze…GRRRRRR)

Um ok…so I wrote the above quite a while ago…I had to rock Ikey back to sleep.  Then I noticed Silas wasn’t sleeping.  As I was laying Isaac down, Silas was screaming his face off.  Ike woke up right as he hit his bed.  Why am I still rocking him to sleep?? I’m blaming that on my husband.  I need a crib and a nice environment for him before I feel like I could lay him down to sleep himself.  Right now he’s in a bassinet in a room full of boxes.  Anyway, Silas is having lunch now and Ikey is whining in his bumbo chair.  I’m SOOOOOOOOO grumpy now.  Silas always does this when I need him to be awake at a certain time.  His Grandma and (honorary) Auntie Mary are coming in 2 hours for supper.  GRRRRRRR.  Bye bye warm fuzzies.

Such is the life of a mother of two, I was supposed to be blow drying my hair right now so I’d be pretty for my husband for once.  Looks like a messy pony tail with fly aways everywhere again.

This was supposed to be a fun post.  Sorry.

Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like Making A Title.

Every time I sit down here I draw a blank about what I had been planning to write about so I just blab and blab and blab with no direction.  I wish I could remember because I’m not finding anything to blab about either.  Hmmmmmm.

Ikey’s nursing wacky again (I just remembered what I was blogging about).  One sip and then he crunches his tummy like he needs to burp.  I’m having to put him to sleep and then nurse him.  Annoying.

I’ve decided that I’m more addicted to Ikey’s swaddle then he is so we’re going off it.  I was bad and swaddled Silas until he was like….old.  He really liked it though.  I’m finding Ikey likes sprawling too.  I just like it because it holds their little hands down.  They seem to wake themselves up when they start flailing about.  I’m going to get rid of it though.  I start by just swaddling him with one arm out and then we go two arms out and just around the tummy and then we get rid of it.  I have video of Silas rolling about in his swaddle like a little sausage.

I can’t believe Ikey will be 4 months old on Saturday.  He’s getting big so fast.  I love the post infant stage, it’s so much more fun for me.  I remember everything taking so much long when it was just Silas and I.  It took forever for three months to come.  I’m so looking forward to starting solids in 2 months and lessening the nursing thing.  Woooot.

I’m feeling back to normal.  I guess I wasn’t in the mind set to let myself fall completely over the edge.  Being happy is so much better than being sad.  My brain is kinda trained to think happy thoughts now so I kinda have to work on the negative self talk.  I’m feeling positive again and spunky.  Working out is helping the spunky part.  I’m already feeling stronger.

Jennie is in my yard with Ikey right now.  It’s nice to have a visitor during the day.  Tomorrow my mommy and good friend Mary are coming over and I’m making them some farmers sausage and perogies and white gravey.  I got my Mom addicted last time she was here.

Anyway, I’m going to go have more coffee…feels like I need more of it these days.

Sunshine Makes It Better

Gosh I’m freezing.  I hate wearing lots of clothes though, I’m not giving into fall just yet.  I’m so not ready for summer to end.

I’m feeling better today.  I woke up to the sun shining and Silas screaming but the sun was shining so the screaming didn’t cut through me straight into my nerves like it usually does.  I’m trying the ignore tactic with the screaming now as covering his mouth is apparently turning into fun for him.  I hate the screaming.

Ikey decided that nursing is the devil today.  I can’t wait until he fully gets the hang of it.  It was hard to feel patient with him today because he’s been so much better.  When I know he can do it then it’s hard for me to deal with him when he’s being a booger head.  Two more months and we start solid food…wooooot!!

My husband is at church doing sound today.  Gosh he’s been doing that a lot.  It was supposed to be a once a month deal.  The poor guy can use it though.  He’s gotta deal with his crazy wife and her silence while she deals with pain.  I wish I could always be happy for him, always be without issue.  I guess when he met me I was in the deepest depression of my life so perhaps he knew what he was getting into.

I really am feeling better though, despite the lack of positive talk in this blog.  But I can say that Silas and Ikey are adorable and even though they’re the basis of my insanity, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Depressed

A year ago I was feeling so great. Feeling like I wouldn’t ever get hit by the depression bug ever again, feeling like I’d always stay skinny and that my passion for eating healthy would stay with me. I would say that it’s easy to not emotional eat, it’s easy to stay happy. I hate it when I come out of that reality. Here I am feeling depressed again. Nothing I believed in then is happening now. Nothing. My stomach hurts from pounding desert down my throat, anything to make me feel comforted, even if it hurts after.

Usually depression starts with a traumatic event then you start negative talk in your mind, usually without thinking. Since Silas had his allergic reaction I’ve gone from strong happy mommy to undeserving of anything, especially of my husband. In my mind I’m no longer worthy of him and in my mind I’m a terrible mother. In my mind I’ve given into the clumps of fat on my back and embraced the one thing that comforts me, food.

I freaking hate this feeling, I hate it with all of my heart. I know exactly what i need to do. I need to stop the negative talk, start eating healthy and get some exercise (got the exercise part ok). Depression makes for a heavy ass which is hard to lift from it’s spot on the couch or on the chair in front of the computer. It makes me not care about being who I want to be. Hopeless about my skills. Hopeless about my marriage. It’s awful. Ugh.

Anyway, no worries, I can get myself out of this. I can tell you all of the factors that got me here. It started back when Brent and I got evicted and then stress after stress came and went and left their ugly mark upon me. There’s a lot that’s been going on, too much for my poor little brain to handle. I think this peanut allergy is icing on the cake, along with lack of sunshine lately and feeling closed in this place with no windows and unfinished projects blocking the open feeling I need.

Good thing I can write more passionately when I’m sad though. Makes for good reading.