All Ikey

I feel like I’m robbing you of cuteness.  Seriously.  I must talk more about the Ike-aroni!  Poor kiddo is going to feel like the youngest neglected child that no one takes photos of or talks about.

He’s talking so much lately.  This morning he says “LET GO” when I was trying to attempt a game of tug of war with him.  Yes most kids say that but it’s fascinating to me given my circumstances.

I keep telling him, every day, to stay a baby but he’s not listening.  He keeps growing and doing new things and I’m like GRRRR.  There’s like 5 months left before he transitions from baby to boy and I’m not ready yet!

we had the most wonderful moment the other night.  We were downstairs alone while Silas and Brent were writing on the chalk board.  I decided to pull out some chocolate chips for us to share.  Little moments like that, when we’re all alone, enjoying something together.  I love it.  He was so cute shoving them in his mouth and smiling at me.  He’d take one out of my lips with his and giggle.  He’s just such a delight so much of the time.

He’s started driving cars all over the places and making vroooooom noises.  It’s so cute.

He’s a BIG fan of stuffed animals and always wants one when we snuggle.  He carries them around and puts them to bed, then wakes them up and kisses them and repeats the whole process over and over and over.

This kid is such a delight.  Yes he’s ALL OVER THE PLACE but he’s so cute and he’s so happy all the time.  I just absolutely adore him.  I’ll get some photos of him for everyone soon.

He’s also pretty cute when he tries to sing.  He’s pretty good at it too, especially for his age.  He’s good at keeping the tune and he totally loves rocking out to music.  He’ll dance and dance and dance.  When a song comes on that he likes, he’ll purse his lips and bob his head and look at me like “I’m such a rockstar”. Lately you can hear him singing Animal by Def Leppard, Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi and lollipop by lil wayne….don’t judge me ha ha ha.

Brent’s taught him how to say whaaat whaaaaaat like a rapper.

Lately he’s been wanting to wear Silas’ shoes all over the house.  They’re usually on the wrong feet but I think it’s cool he can actually get them on.

He’s also the best little smoocher in the world and will usually give kisses on command at any moment.  It’s pretty nice to be able to steal one whenever i need one.

Anyway, I could go on and on and on.  I’ll try to involve him more in this.  Silas REALLY takes up a lot of my thoughts.  But Ikey is still here, hanging in there, forgiving Silas every time he hurts him, learning exactly on schedule and being a light in my life.

Hoowah

Is it possible that the fact that I have no idea what I want to do with my life almost makes me enduring?  Yes??  Say yes?  Maybe?  At least say maybe.  (ya I stole that from my husband…guess where he uses THOSE lines? (Say yes?? say maybe??)

So, what I’m trying to get at…is that you like me cuz I’m crazy right?  Thought so.

What a crazy crazy week this has been.  We’ve decided on a place that will be doing Silas’ therapy.  I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my son needs therapy.  I have to move my boys into the same room soon too…ack…Lord save us all.

I need to make money too though.  To make money off this blog would mean I would have to go crazy and talk about people’s products and um….well…I aint that kinda gal.  Why do I care so much about principle?  I want to work at something, make some money doing SOMETHING.

Pushing Arbonne aside, not that it isn’t a good idea but it’s OH SO FREAKING WAY TO FREAKING MUCH FREAKING OH MY GOSH MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE….FREAKIN.  Which, in layman’s terms…just too much right now.

I love blogging, I love you guys (even though I seem to attract the mute people who cannot comment) a lot and I love blogging.  I love photography.  I love learning about it all.

If you look to your right, you’ll see my health blog in the blogroll.  THIS is where I can make money.  THAT is what I’m going to do, I’m also going to invest in a little more photography equiptment and I’m going to figure out how the crap to make a website and I’m going to make business cards and I’m going to snappity snap snap photos of people who love me and want to pay me to do such things.

Health and Sanity *sigh* it’s a love of mine that I left long ago because each post took so long and, well, I just didn’t do it.

Why not turn Arbonne energy into Health and Sanity energy?  Work hard hard hard at getting people reading, then start bragging about stats, have people pay me to write blogs on their products (as long as they’re in line with what I’m about), include some ads, bata bing bata bang bata boom.

Those of you who know me know that I don’t need much.  I just want to be debt free.  I’d feel rich if we were debt free.  But I know for a fact that I can’t apply myself to something if I don’t actually like the process.  I love blogging, I love photography.  I’m just a little chicken.  But knowing I NEED to make cash now, that I’ll regret never going with Arbonne because I’m not making anything now…THAT is good insentive.  Plus the fact that…I lost my train of thought cuz I got distracted.

ANYWAY, I’m craaaazy all over the place but I feel at peace finally.  I’ve been sick sick sick with anxiety about doing Arbonne.  I believe in the product, I will still let you buy product through me if u wish.  I love it sooo much and I’m a lifetime customer.  Just not able to commit to it.  Not now.  But it’s always there and I have an amazing uptake that’ll help me get to the top if I want to persue it.

At any rate, time to finish editing photos of my girlfriend’s preggo photo shoot we did.

I’m glad I feel at peace.

Dear Me

I forgot to blog, I was tied up in phone calls, editing photos etc etc etc.

I feel so sick to my tummy.  I can’t tell if it’s just me being scared or me thinking this Arbonne thing isn’t right for me.  I kinda threw myself into it.

I believe in Arbonne, I think it’s a good product.  No, I think it’s an excellent product.  But is this something I’ll love??

Today my friend Petara asked me how the photography was going.  The wedding show I did alllll weekend was fun.  But I felt annoying.  I was jealous of the people who had the photography booths.  I love photography.  I’m good at photography.  I’m just as scared of doing photography as I am of Arbonne.  No, less.

I dunno guys.  All I need to know is that I need to make money.  I just dunno how.

UGH.  I’m tired of all this stress.

Funding is…Well…a Joke.

I was sickened the other day when I found out that the 20 grand the government gives me for Silas’ therapy (OT, Speech, ABA) only covers 8-10 hours of ABA a week.  My dear little Silas needs 30-40 hours a week…soooooooo liiiikkkeeee 60-70 grand-ish.  That’s obviously not covering OT and speech and a DAN dr and organic food and supplements and and and and and and and and.

I was pretty thrown off kilter when that one hit me.  So many kids falling through the cracks, not getting the best, because our douchebag government wont pay for them to succeed.

Where do we find the rest of the money?  UGH.

There’s a few things running through my head but it’s all very overwhelming.  I need….a gala…orrrrr…who knows.  We need to double our income…and then a little more.  Argh.

But one thing I do know, I aint letting this kid fall through the cracks because of money, he’ll some how, some way get all the things he needs.  I just don’t know how yet.  I know selling Arbonne will help us quite a bit there is a way for me to make enough from that.

Any ideas?  Ya I know I kinda asked before but no one said anything.  C’mon all you lurky lurkers out there…one of you has GOT to have an imagination??

Publish?? Me???

Long long ago this company contacted me about putting a photo of mine and a quote of mine into a book.  They’re part of this website called wefeelfine.org and it’s hard to explain so just go there and browse around and see.

Recently I heard back from them about it and they told me which photo and quote they wanted to use.

They wanted this photo from A Lesson In Perspective

With this quote: “I strive to lose weight because I do think I’ll look better, I’ll look healthier, I’ll be able to dress myself better and I’ll feel better about myself.”

Which sounds bad unless you finish the paragraph “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look better as long as you’re being realistic. As long as you’re doing it for your health and happiness, not because you’re obsessed with looking like something you can’t obtain.”

Anyway, today I told them I simply could not allow them to use it in their book, it’s an ugly freaking photo and it’s a quote that is out of context with the rest of that post.

They responded that they understand but then came back and said they could use the other photo from my blog.

Granted, it is a much prettier photo of me…but I still disslike that quote a little.  They aren’t linking to the blog, they’re just giving my name in the back of the book.

Having something published is very exciting but I don’t easily sell out.  Does that quote make me sound bad?  Perhaps skim the other post again and tell me opinions.  I’m kinda desperate to know what people think.  It’s a pretty photo I think, and Ikey is cute…but hmmmm.  They did take away half the reason of not wanting to be in the book.

Feedback?

The Results Are In…

….and I can’t find any better reason in the world to have a glass of wine at 2 pm today.  How come every time someone confirms the autism I get like this?  UGH.

anyway, I’m about to scan the full report so you can read it if you want to.  Those of you that know Silas can just save the images to your computers if you wish to keep it.  Specific names and locations will be blacked out for confidentiality purposes.

K here it is.  The first 3 you can just read on screen, click on the thumbnails below for the full picture, it was just going to all be so big.

Psych report:

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Beeaauutiifuul Day

It’s just been too nice here this winter.  The sunniest winter I’ve seen since moving here.  I’m so relieved.  It’s definitely helped the mood.

Recently I realized that I could take the boys for a walk, without any tantrums if I stuck Isaac in the MEC backpack (which, I might add, is the most comfortable backpack I’ve ever ever ever worn) and Silas in the stroller.  I do get a few strange looks, people ask why I don’t have a double stroller, some say I look like my hands are full.  I do have a double stroller, it just doesn’t work for us.  This works and it works well.  Plus the added fatso on my back makes for a good workout.  PLUS he can lean around and give me kisses which, well, *sigh*.

So today I call up Leanne and ask if she would want to meet us in the park by her house for lunch.  She actually didn’t have anything planned (weird) and we set out on our journey towards the park.  We never go to this one because there’s one closer to my house but I’m thinking we’re going to swtich because at the one close to Leanne’s…well…I’m not scared of my kids getting stabbed by drug paraphernalia.

The kids had a glorious time playing.  We lunched in the baseball field and the kids ran all over doing things, serious kid business.  Leanne and I kinda pigged out (k maybe just me) on our picnic spread and talked about the good old days where autism was just a question at the back of our minds and how we used to daydream about our kids playing together just as they are now.

The event came to a close and we happily strolled back home just in time for nap.

All in all: perfect day.

Report is DONE!

Sooooooooo, Silas’ report is all ready.  We have an appointment out that way on Friday so I’ll pick it up then.  Don’t worry, I’ll write down on here every single thing that the guy wrote so you can see.  I’m very excited to see what he said also.

Silas is just, oh my goodness, out of control.  He’s like two hormonal 13 year olds rolled into one, he just doesn’t know how to swear at me or tell me he hates me…but he would if he could.

I can’t wait until he’s helped.  I hate seeing his frustration, his need to hit something.  I don’t know what to do.  I admit, I’m breaking the cardinal rule and just giving in to avoid a disaster, but I know it’s making it worse…I know I know I know.  GRRR.

If anyone has suggestions, throw them at me.  I don’t see how I can improve things with him until we have a therapist here.  I dunno what else to do.

The other day Silas and I played this game where he sat on my lap and I’d lower him backward which he thinks is fun but then I’d bring him up and squeeze him really tightly.  That deep pressure really calmed him for a few hours.  But he doesn’t always want to play it.  I’m wondering if a weighted blanket at night would give him enough deep pressure to last him most of the day.  Who knows.  I have a feeling weighted things are going to be good for us though.

Anyway, off to do other things.  Happy Wednesday!

Not Much

Not much to talk about today.  We went to the ped to get Ikey’s leaky eye looked at…he refered him to an optomologist that’ll probe his tear duct and hopefully fix the issue.

That’s about it.  I’m working hard on Arbonne stuff and trying to not be afraid.  Read the post below if you haven’t yet

My Endeavor

So, a few weeks ago my sister Juliet invited me to this Arbonne detox party.  I had no idea what it all was about other than a chance to get out of the house and away from the kiddos.

This lady gave us salt scrubs on our hands and set us up with foot soaks and got to talking about herself and why she’s an Arbonne consultant.  Blah blah blah.

I know a lot about products, I was one of the few people in my hairdressing class that actually listened to the chemistry section.  I was fascinated with it and it really made sense to me.

I have a criteria for health and beauty products.  The PH is the #1 thing for me.  When a product says “PH balanced” on it, it actually doesn’t mean anything and it’s not even a scientific term.  It must say that the PH is between 4.5 and 5.5.  Johnsons baby stuff says it’s gentle or PH balanced but it’s not…the PH is around 9…you can perm hair with it.  I can give the long version but in short, most skin and hair problems are caused by products with the wrong PH.

Anyway, I’ve stuck mostly to professional products despite the fact that they have chemicals in them because I know they work and I know they’re PH correct.  I’d prefer natural stuff.

Anyway, this lady starts talking about the company, made in the US, PH correct, botanically based, not tested on animals, 100% vegan and hypoallergenic!  I was pretty astonished at all of that.  Hypoallergenic is a dream, I try and keep my house as hypoallergenic as possible for my kiddos and for our asthma issues.

I could go on and on and on.

Anyway, the products sold themselves to me.  Me, the product snob was 100% impressed and I’ve switched from my expensive spa skin care to this, and it works MUCH better.  MUCH MUCH MUCH.  Plus if you don’t like it you have 45 days to use it and decide.

Ooooo also their weightloss products are sweetened with stevia instead of crappy artificial stuff.  That made me pee a little actually.

This lady had brought her income into 6 figured within 7 months of selling this stuff.  I knew she also had WAY more time on her hands than I did.  But she reminded me of…well, me.  I know products really well.  I’m passionate about good products, I’ve mostly got my family onto professional products.  Most people have heard my PH rants.  It’s important to me.  We’re being lied to SO much by the beauty industry.  Commercials these days just make me shake my head, the things they claim are just…well…dumb.

Anyway, I couldn’t sleep that night.  I need a job anyway and I HATE working for other people.  I hate having a boss, I hate being told what to do.  I’ve never had a good working experience.  It’s either try out this Arbonne thing or go work in a kitchen 3 nights a week for min wage.  So I chose Arbonne and I’m really excited about it.  I’m scared also but still excited about the idea of this turning into something more than just a little bit of income is really exciting.  It can be done, I know someone who has done it and she reminds me of me…so, why not me??

I’m already seeing results from the products I’ve purchased.  Better ones that my expensive spa products.  The bumps on the backs of my arms are healing, my face feels tighter.  Even their lip plumper plumps my lips for hours.  I’m more than impressed.  Beyond impressed.

Anyway, I’m excited to start my business.  It has to go slow because I can’t purchase everything yet cuz I’m poor.  This month I’m getting the detox spa line and I’ll be doing spa parties which are so much fun.  I have a feeling I’ll be good at this.  It scares me but I always run from things that scare me.  I keep telling myself i can still do it.

Anyway, that’s that.  Something exciting to talk about.  My goal is to pay off all of our debt so we can free up almost an extra grand each month to do what we want with.  Then once that’s freed up I have plans to start working harder on the mortgage.  I also want to sponsor a child and build a well in a community in Africa (it costs 8 grand).  I’m not doing this to have more.  I’m just doing it so I can like how I want more.  Which includes a lot of giving and a lot more opportunities for my Silas.

Anyway, if you live in British Columbia, near Vancouver area or around Cariboo area then hit me up in a comment if you want to help kick this off for me (I’d even travel into Washington as well) .  It doesn’t have to be a big party, you’ll get lots of gifts and opportunities to save a lot of money.  With Arbonne you end up getting a lot for a little bit of money with all their promotions.  It’s pretty cool.  Or if you are interested in the business you can leave a comment too and I’ll email you.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, I think you’d enjoy something uppity for a change.

We also had a makeup party at my house last night and everyone was really impressed with it.  very impressive product.